Fear and Flying

Fear and Flying
By
Raman Jalota

    A shadowy figure was circling extremely fast. His face and body unidentifiable as it created a whirlwind of dust around it. I was hidden by the walls of the houses on the block that separated us. I must avoid him at all costs! For him to find me will be the end.
    I turned right and rushed down the street, trying to circle around to get back home. And then the thought hit me. If only I could fly!
    Ridiculous, I told myself.
    But it will solve all problems with this creature that gives me nightmares.
    “How would you do it? You don’t have wings to just unfold and flap and take off.”
    Do I need wings? I saw myself running down the empty street with my hands held out by my sides. I pushed off my feet and rose.
    I kept pushing ahead and like a swimmer parting water as he moves through it; I rose through the air. I motioned my head to the right and my body moved right with it. I tried moving my head to the left and yes, my body moved left. Aha! So simple! And yes so effortless, so natural!
    The sky was brown with the dust that was rising with the summer storm, there was no hint of the clean blue sky. But the air was cleaner and sweeter than that on the ground. Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I saw a cable just ahead of me, I ducked and went into a dive. I was breathing heavy as my body spun downwards out of control. How do I get out of this? I met the ground with a dizzying crash.

…..

    I looked around in the dark. My sheets were covered with sweat. Ah! I am in my bed!
    The window across from the bed let in small amounts of diffused light. Light from the moon or the stars or the terror that roamed beyond the walls. I could sense him just outside the window. I shut my eyes to avoid seeing anything.   But it was no use. He was there. Just outside the window. He was twirling around like a tornado with his hands stretched out. He slowed down a little and I could see that he held an iron chain from which a spiked ball hung, circling around his body as he danced his maniacal dance. The ball swirled through the air at different angles, as he seemed to dance with it, sometimes lifting one leg as he turned, sometimes jumping up as he moved the ball under his feet.
    He seemed to have noticed my window and slowed down. The ball swung around his shoulder and dropped by his side. The cloud of dust that traveled with him slowly settled. He stared towards the window and a grin appeared on his face. All I could make of his face was that it was dark. A dark face with a cruel smile and tiny dark eyes that focused on the window. His muscular arms were glistening with sweat as the moonlight glanced off his muscles exposed through his arm less shirt. The dark shirt and pants hid his body but the strength of his body was unmistakable. And his evil intent to do harm to me was obvious.
    A paralyzing fear took control of my body. I pulled the sheet over my head and started repeating to myself, “Go away. Go away. Get away from here. Leave me alone. Go away. Go away.”
My body was shivering with fear as I repeated the chant. I must have repeated it fifty times when finally my world went completely dark.

…..

    I awoke with my body curled in a ball. The bright morning sun had dissolved all the terror that the night had spread. I breathed deeply and fell asleep.
    As the evening drew near, I realized I had been out too long and might just make it home before dark. I rushed home, running across fields, running around corners of houses as I tried to beat the darkness. The last stretch was a twelve block long stretch of empty fields around the campus, which was towards my left. And to the right, next to the road was a fifteen feet deep ditch. Next to the ditch were the back fences of rows upon rows of houses, all dark and foreboding, keeping everyone out and away … and exposed.
    “Damn you!” I cursed myself. I should have left earlier. All the fun I was having a few minutes ago appeared now to have been a complete waste that had led me to this trap. The stupid, nonsensical games that we were playing seemed to have a life of their own and demanded that I not leave before the others. And I gave in so readily, so happily, and now I was doomed.
    There was a faint noise behind me. It seemed to be coming from a distance, the noise of the wind as it rustles through leaves, the noise of a stalker as he moves through the dark towards his prey. The sound grew in volume to the sound of an approaching storm, a storm that brings dirt and dust with it, a dry noisy dust storm; the trademark of the hot summer, a storm that travels with the stalker with the chains, the two of them conspiring to hound me.
    Do I dare to turn and look back? Would he catch up to me because as soon as I look back, he can reach and grab me by the neck? Yes, I am safer running but not looking back. Let it all be just my imagination … I don’t want to take the chance of turning around and facing my imagination, for fear that it may become real.
    Fly damn you, fly. Fly and get away from him. Fly and escape him … that is your only chance. As I am running I extend my arms on each side and slowly push up. I rise slowly; the inertia from the running lifts me and propels me forward.
    I am only a few feet above the ground. I duck and move to the left as power lines appear in my vision. Funny, I hadn’t noticed the rows upon rows of power poles that carry the miles of power line along this road that I have walked on everyday for several years as I go visit my friends and run back home. I move my head and glide up and up and higher.
    Now I am over the trees, I must be fifty feet or more above the ground. I push my body and move diagonally. It is so relaxing. I finally look towards my feet and then slowly I glance back.
    The dust storm is approaching fast behind me. Dust and dirt are swirling in all directions just behind me. I push and rise higher and notice the yellowish brown wall of dust a hundred or more feet behind me, moving towards me, slowly but surely.
    I want to race up and away from the storm and as if acting on my will, my body moves through space like lightning rising from the ground shooting upward. The sky lightens and when I look back the wall is no longer coming up behind me. When I look down, a dark brown cloud is fast engulfing everything under me and racing further across the land. Ah! I am over it. No need to worry if it’s just a storm or a stalker that created the storm.
    I stay drifting for a long time. It slowly starts getting dark. The sky above and around me turns yellow, red, blue, orange, green and finally as black as the land below me. I let myself slowly drift down, leisurely floating down through the clouds.

…..

    I am trying to think. How did I manage to fly the past few days? What exactly did I do? I can’t put it into words, yet the feeling of flying; the sensation of rushing through the clouds and drifting among them magically is so very real. As is the terrifying nearness of the dangerous cables that I must watch out for at all times and the heat of the sun during mid day and the soothing coolness of the night.
    I can barely wait for school to be over. I rush home and wait. As dusk slowly approaches, I run to the empty fields near our house. I look around making sure no one is accidentally walking around to spy on me. Now! I close my eyes and push. The wind tenderly lifts me up and I guide myself up, slowly circling and gyrating rhythmically till I am well above the ground. I am about twenty feet up. I circle and look below me. No one. Good!
    I rush up, getting away from the trees around me and quickly clear everything from my horizon except the sky and the vast earth below me. I have never been higher. I am several hundred feet above the ground and can barely make out the landscape. I study it thoroughly. I have to remember it exactly; otherwise I can’t fly so high. I memorize all the squares and circles and triangles that form the landscape directly under me; my home and its surroundings, ground zero from where I took off.
    Once I feel comfortable recognizing the roofs and tops of the buildings, I turn my face up. Ah! Beautiful clouds … White and blue and purple clouds drifting near and far, removing the heat of the day from my body and filling me with the cold comfort of soft, velvety snow. This is heavenly. I can’t keep my eyes open. My senses are overloaded with joy. I close my eyes and feel the weight of my body dissipating. I feel like a feather floating through the clouds. All I can hear is my breath as I relax absolutely. My breathing slows down completely and silence covers my senses like a soft spring blanket. I dare not breathe for fear of breaking the magic.

..…

    Several hours later, I awake. I have never felt better in my whole life. The clouds have all turned dark and as I look down and then up and sideways, I realize I am inside the darkness and don’t know which side is up or down. I smile with the joy that’s emanating from within me and slowly drift back into sleep.
When light gently wakes me up. I turn around and get my bearings. The sun slowly warms me up and I move myself down through the clouds, spiraling my way down, leisurely, lazily and drunkenly.
    The landscape below me is unfamiliar. I must have drifted away during the night. My mind panics and I look for the green square roof next to the pointy metallic spire of the bell tower next to the green tennis courts … nothing. I swing far to the right, then turn right and again and again … nothing.
    Where am I? Why can’t I recognize any of the landmarks? Did I drift so far away?
    I try to draw a mental picture of the landscape then zoom across the sky to a point I feel should be it. I squint down trying to decipher the puzzle under me … nothing. I close my eyes and let my body flash through the sky, tumbling out of control, flying wildly in one direction then another, without a pattern, without a purpose. I concentrate hard, when it feels right, I stop. I look down again willing the landscape to resolve itself to the pattern I have in my memory … still nothing. I repeat the random tumble and look pattern several times, finally it is clear.
    I am where I must be. I am where I want to be. I do not need to look any further. This is the answer, right here, right now, right where I am. I turn my face towards the clouds and a great peace fills me up and I rise with it; winds push me slowly at times and hard at other times; the clouds change colors to keep me mesmerized. This is perfect; I am full of joy as I have never been. I will stay here.

The End     2070 words

Copyright © 2004 Raman Jalota. All rights reserved. No part of this electronic publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the author.

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